When Love Looks Like Lillies

      

 
The first time Josh bought me flowers we were still in college and in the infamous geting to know you stage.  We had been dating for a couple of months when I got a phone call in my dorm room that a delivery was waiting for me at the front desk.  I had never before had a delivery so my curiousity was piqued, and I remember grinning from ear to ear when I saw a small but beautiful floral arrangment of lillies.

I love flowers.  Something about their beauty mixed with the fact that they are both fragile and alive at the same time speaks to me about a God who is creative and caring.  Flowers are unique and add color to the world.  I also like getting flowers from a boy.  And at this point in my life, receiving flowers from a boy other than my father had probably only happened a handful of times.  So I was elated!

As I walked down the hallway of my dorm giddy with excitement, I became the center of attention.  It was a mixture of joy and concealed jealousy - afterall, we are talking about a floor full of college age girls who all wished they would get a call from the front desk that a delivery is waiting for them.

As I got to my room, I immediately called Josh and absolutely swooned over the lillies that I had just received.  I told him they were gorgeous, smelled divine, and that I loved his creaitivity.  Most college boys would get roses or carnations, but he had really thought about it and gotten a flower that was unique!  He was quite proud of himself, no doubt, and as we were both poor college students, I knew that this a big splurge for him.

I hung up the phone, bent down to smell those divine lillies and breathed in all of the lilly goodness.  What followed was a litany of sneezes and the startling realization that I am allergic to lillies.

I am allergic to lillies!

Within 30 minutes my eyes were red and watering, I continued to sneeze at an impressive rate of consistency, and friends started to stop by to see just what was happening in my room.  It was decided that the lillies would have to live in my friend Wendy's room across the hall, and that I could only visit the lillies from a distance.

Of course I refrained from telling Josh any of this, but continued to nurture our new relationship with flattery and the occasional stretching of the truth.  I LOVED the lillies I told him!  They are continuing to bloom!  You are such a thoughtful boyfriend (afterall, I wanted the arrival of flowers to continue as this relationship progressed).

Now my Josh has one trait that I know well after 15 years of marriage.  If he finds a proven formula that  makes me happy, he will not veer from it.  And so the next time that he sent me flowers (a few months later) - guess what appeared at my door?  LILLIES!

Again...he sent me lillies.

Did I say anything about the fact that I would now be miserable for the next week?  Nope!  Because I didn't want to come across as a liar that first time.  So instead I did what most women would do, I tried to send other subliminal messages.  I said things like, "You know how much I love these lillies, right?!  And you know what else I love?  ALL flowers.  I love tulips and roses and hydrageas and peonies.  I just love ALL flowers!"  And guess what Josh heard?  "I love these lillies."

Because the next time he sent flowers...he sent lillies.

He said something about it being "our special flower" and that for the rest of our days he would send me lillies just so I'd know he was thinking of me.  Although I smiled bright, inside I was cursing!  For the rest of our days?!  Are you kidding me?  Have you ever omitted something or stretched the truth "for the greater good" only to watch as your plans unravel?  I didn't want to hurt his feelings or for him to think I didn't love the gesture!

But after the 4th delivery of lillies I decided to bite the bullet.  I told him I had a confession, and I think he braced himself for something truly aweful, and then I told him - I'm allergic to lillies.

To this day, I've never received another lilly until yesterday.

I walked into my office yesterday and was taken aback at the most delightful spring bouquet sitting on my desk.  It had pink snap dragons and purple spider mums...and yellow lillies.  Lillies?!  I glanced down at the note he left via yellow sticky notes and smiled as I read these words...

                                      

I was doubtful that one could remove pollen, but 24 hours later I'm happy to report that I'm clear eyed and sneeze free, and I'm enjoying these beautiful flowers that were hand picked by this boy that I love and our small Haven Joy.

And I started thinking this morning that love isn't always butterflies and special delieveries.  Most often, love is yellow sticky notes and simple gestures that say I love you "just because."  Love that lasts is honest even when you just want to protect the other person's heart.  It is faithful in the big and small, and it is putting in the work of love - going farther than is necessary...like removing pollen from lillies so you can remember the joy of the past while enjoying the beauty of today.

The Mean Girl Voice In Your Head

So last week, Haven had to wear pink on Wednesday to her school and all I could think about was Mean Girls...and specifically this scene:

And so this got me thinking about mean girl voices, and especially the mean girl voice that sometimes resides in my head.  You know the one: the one that says to fit in you should be something completely different than who you really are.  It's the one who reminds you of your awkwardness and who silences your voice ("Gretchen, stop trying to make Fetch happen.  It's not going to happen!").

I sat in a meeting this past week and throughout it's duration I had an inner dialogue with my mean girl voice.  I had ideas to offer but with each idea that popped into my mind, I could hear the mean girl pipe in with all the reasons why my opinion was not valid or stupid.  And at one point I realized that I literally had not offered a single opinion in the discussion when I was invited to that table because my opinions matter!

I'm still working on silencing the mean girl in my head, but I'm starting to discover that the only antidote is the love of God.  On the mornings when I've actually spent a little time receiving His love I am more confident that I belong at the table.  I'm more confident that the ideas and opinions that I have are of Him.  I can tell the mean girl to go sit at a different table and I can actually let MY voice be heard.

Look at what Paul has to say about this in Romans:

Romans 8:31-39The Message (MSG)

31-39 So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:

They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.
We’re sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.

None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

Did you get that?  Our mean girl voice (which is really the voice of the enemy) does not stand a chance when Christ is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us!

Let that sink in for a second.

Jesus has your back and it is His desire that the mean girl voice does not faze us.  Why?  Because of His love.

It's time friends that we let our voices be heard.  You have brilliant ideas.  You have opinions.  You have wisdom and passion and tables that you are invited to sit at.  Most importantly, you can hear the voice of God.  Please don't let the shouts of the mean girl get more air time in your mind than the whispers of the Father.  Believe that He loves you.  Trust that He is fighting for you.

And it IS Wednesday...so wear pink or black or whatever you want with the knowledge that you are loved and there is nothing that can separate you from His love!

4 Truths My Mother Taught Me

This past week Selah and I were having a tea party when she informed me that Gigi had taught her to
always hold out her pinky finger when drinking tea.  And I realized that I was certain this was true…after all, her Gigi (my mother) has taught me so much that has to do with graceful living.

As I reflect this morning on lessons that my mother taught me, these four stand out most in my mind:

1.  Give the gift of your presence and time.  
My mother makes time for people in her life – it is how she shows her love for them.  Love looks like drinking tea and listening or going to Sesame Street Live and dancing. 

My mother is good at listening & I've learned from her that although your body may be in a location, if you are not leaning in and listening to the person you are with, you might as well not even be there.  The gift of your presence means that you are fully engaged in that moment.  You listen to subtle statements, notice expressions, and honor those you love by hearing their heart.  I don't always excel in this area, but I'm trying to grow each day in this arena - it really does exemplify a woman of grace.

2.  Use your gifts to bless others.  
My mother has the gifts of hospitality and making things beautiful (what is the proper name for this gift?), and has never hoarded these abilities.  A few weeks ago she went and decorated the home of a sweet young mother who is pregnant with twins (# 3 & 4)!  This momma has a new home and obviously is TIRED!  My mom felt like God told her to go decorate her house (if she wanted that)…so she took a friend, and when that momma came home from work, her house was transformed.  

This past week, she made a beautiful quilt for our new cousin that will be coming home soon from Uganda.  Most people would never know about these two acts of love in the last few weeks (except her daughter has a big mouth), but she does not love for recognition…she loves because she is loved.  May we all take this lesson to heart and do the same.

3.  Forgive.  
As a pastor’s wife, as a sister, as a friend, as a daughter, and as a mother my mom has had many opportunities to practice forgiveness.  Too many times I’ve taken up her cause and wanted to be offended at people who hurl insults and pain her way, but she has taught me and lived the example that forgiveness is worth it.  She has also taught me that forgiveness means keeping your mouth shut when you really want to let everyone know how noble you are for forgiving J.

Within this same lesson of life, my mother has demonstrated that a true woman of grace also asks for forgiveness.  A turning moment in my life was a phone call in college when my mother called and asked me for forgiveness.  Her humility and willingness to say that she was wrong, set me free to see the situation from a new vantage point.  And her actions taught me that true strength is able to ask for forgiveness.

4.  Laugh until your shoulders shake.  
One of my all time most favorite things is to see my mother TRULY laugh.  Her shoulders shake, her eyes become slits and she cannot make a sound, but it always makes me laugh in copycat fashion.  When I see the two of us laughing so hard we might wet our pants, I always think two things:  We need more of this kind of deep-belly laughter in our world and I'm so thankful that I inherited this trait from her.

My mother has taught me much and her mother (my Mema) taught her much as well.  The older I become the more lessons I am trying to learn from those who have gone before me.  Some lessons seem to be implanted in my heart and life as if they were genetically wired while others definitely take more care and intention to live out.

What life lessons did your mother teach you?  It may be as simple as how to play tea party or as profound as how to walk out in forgiveness, but very likely there are deep lessons etched in your heart from the life of your mother.

The Faith of a Child

A couple of nights ago, Selah and I were in the midst of her nightly bedtime routine.  After Josh tells her a story, she and I always have “talk time” which has included discussions ranging from why she is EXACTLY like Elsa from Frozen to deeper questions about death and how babies come into the world (help me Jesus!).  I never know what to expect during talk time – the mind of a 4-year old is a wonderous thing, but I have come to cherish this bedtime ritual, and even though I’m often exhausted by the time “talk time” arrives, I get energized by her enthusiasm and sometimes deep questions.

Earlier this week was no different as I sat down next to her and she started off a discussion on weddings.  I have no idea how weddings came to her mind, but mostly she was lamenting the fact that she has NEVER been a flower girl, and ALL of her cousins have!  

“Mom!  Peyton has been a flower girl…and Molly was one too…and Maci!  Mom, Maci is EVERYONE’s flower girl!”   

I was about to refute this claim, when I thought through her cousins and realized that she was in fact correct with her findings.  Each of her cousins have been in a wedding in the role of flower girl, and we have listened to their delightful stories of pretty dresses, flower petals, and the fun of weddings! 

I tried to explain that Maci was a flower girl because she had several single aunts and uncles while all of Selah’s were married when she came into this world.  My reasoning didn’t seem to make much of an impact, and Selah asked if I had been a flower girl when I was younger.  Although I wanted to stand with her in solidarity I had to tell her that yes, in fact I was a flower girl for my aunt Lisa…and so she was faced with the sad fact that EVERYONE she knew had been a flower girl except her!  This is very real heartbreak for a 4-year old!

So she began asking me about single friends in our lives.  What about…Annie?  What about…Jay?  What were their plans for future flower girls?  She was on a mission that night to find a solution to her dilemma!   

After much talking, I said maybe it was something she should pray about, and as soon as that statement left my mouth I immediately regretted it.  What had I just done?  I felt certain that I had just set my child up for disappointment, because in all reality she wasn’t going to be a flower girl anytime soon.  Why would I have thrown the prayer solution out there?  Ugh!  Parent fail.

She immediately liked my idea and so we began praying, and I listened as she beautifully pleaded with the Lord to  make her a flower girl.  She would do a very good job, Lord…and all of her cousins had been a flower girl – wasn’t it her turn? 

It was such a sweet moment that I wrote a quick status update about it on facebook (because that’s what one does now when their kid is adorable), and I may have prayed my own prayer that God protect her little heart from the inevitable disappointment that I knew would ensue.

Oh Paige, of little faith!

Two days passed and I all but forgot about this prayer when I had a friend come by my office.  Jessica and I have known each other for a few years as she was in our college group when Josh and I led Zoe.  She and I met periodically over the years to talk about faith and her walk with the Lord, and a few months ago she asked Josh and I to officiate her upcoming wedding to Sam.

When she stopped by the office I assumed we would talk about scheduling their pre-marital counseling as I told them that we should start in April, but she had other plans.

Jessica sat down and said that she had been thinking for sometime about asking Selah to be her flower girl.  Cue my astonishment & joy!  She doesn’t know Selah that well – she is closer to Josh and I, but said that Selah had come to mind a few times and had wondered if it would be strange to ask this little girl who she didn’t know well. 

But then, she had a dream 3 nights before in which she had 2 flower girls – Selah & Layla (a beautiful girl from Uganda that my cousin is in the process of adopting).  She told her fiancee Sam about the dream and they decided to ask the girls to be their flower girls.

Jessica talked to my cousin first about Layla, and as she retold the dream my cousin asked her if she had seen my facebook post!  Jessica had not seen it as she hasn’t been on facebook for a couple of weeks…and so that sealed it!

As Jessica told me how this unfolded I almost burst into tears!  How good is God?  How much does He love us and care about us?  Even those small desires in our hearts – He cares!  I’m not saying that everything you ever pray for will get the answer you hope for…but I AM saying we serve a God who loves His kids and I believe He really delights in blessing us.

Selah was downstairs at Kids Day Out, so I took Jessica to talk to her, and you should have seen her face.  She didn’t know what to think about this offer – it was like she wanted to jump up and down and be surprised all at the same time…so she just giggled and said yes.  Later on she did jump and dance & she immediately called her daddy to let him know her exciting news.

As she told her BIG news to everyone she saw, I noticed that two different things came out of her mouth:

“Jesus answered my prayer!”

and

“My dream came true!”

Thank you Lord for making her dream come true.  Thank you for being a God who hears our cries and pleas.  Thank you for loving us and loving even the small things that feel big to our hearts.  And help us…help people like me who are small in our faith…who forget how to pray courageously and with abandon.  Help us to trust that you are a good God who loves and lavishes His kids with good.

Saving My Life Right Now...

My friend from college and blogger extraordinare, Sarah Bessey wrote a beautiful blog yesterday answering the question “What is saving your life right now?”  It stirred others to write the same and so today she opened a syncroblog and invited any who will to share their words.

I haven’t written in so long that my first instinct is just to read the words of others, but as I sit here staring at the stacks of laundry folded and awaiting their exile into drawers and closets I impulsively grab my computer and decide to write.

What is saving me right now?  It’s definitely not this laundry - oh, the laundry that seems to multiply while I sleep.  And it’s not the list of things to do like the back porch that needs sweeping and the panties that still lie on my bathroom floor...

What is saving my life right now?

I could write about the peppermint tea and two pieces (well maybe it was three) of dark chocolate that I savored while my girls napped.

I could pen words of beauty describing the pink blooms on the giant crepe myrtle outside my back windows or tell you how Selah and I love to pick the bright orange trumpet flowers off the vine that weaves it’s way around the corner of our house.

I could say I’m being saved as I attempt something that truly scare my introverted heart - yes, I’m hosting dinner tomorrow for a family that I’ve never even met face-to-face.  But I’m not sure if it’s saving my life...more like sending jolts to my heart as I envision my attempt at hosting people I don’t really know.  And yet, I know that those giant leaps - even small leaps like dinner with strangers always leave me in a better place - reminding me to get outside of the bubble that I find such comfort and safety in.

I could describe the conversations I’ve had this week with missionaries around the globe because in many ways they did save my life this week.  The seasoned couple who have given over 20 years to the people in Russia and Belgium.  The young couple in Botswana who poured out their hearts - frustrations, desires, and hope in the future - as we looked at computer monitors and connected over the ocean.  And of course the stoic and wise young man who calmly explained his plan to move his young family of five into Western Sudan...the immense love he has for a people who have seen nothing but hate was inspirational and made me think...even now, 3 days later about what I can do for those forgotten.

I could mention long conversations with friends who know me well - over coffee, on the phone, and while we stuff our faces with burritos.  Those conversations are good for the soul.

But most of all, in this moment - what is saving my life is the quiet...and this face.  

Sleeping peacefully with arms lifted as if in praise.  Watching her round tummy as it rises and falls with the rhythms of her breath.  The eyelashes that flutter occasionally, the slight smile that curves her lips, and the tiny fingers curled ever so gracefully.  Just looking at her - knowing she depends ON ME for food, for comfort, for shelter...for LOVE.  Just knowing that she needs me and I love her is saving my life right now... because it reminds me that I too am in need.  And I am loved.  And because of that love I am saved.

Adding Whimsy To My Life

While on maternity leave I have been reading like my heart really desires.  I’ve found that a book is the perfect companion during 4am feedings (along with the occasional Pinterest gazing), and I recently finished Love Does by Bob Goff.  I loved this book and was inspired by Bob’s stories of showing love and embracing whimsy (as he describes it) in life. 

As I read story after story in this book and thought of my own stories, I realized that the stories that I recount to this day are those that in deed have a whimsical feel to them - you know - they are the stories of jumping with abandon into the Indian ocean or dodging bombs with a 75 year-old woman hanging onto my arms (I’ll have to write these out later)...they are the stories of my husband’s audacious love and the way he stalked me until I loved him back.

As I read Bob’s words at 4am I couldn’t help but ask God for some whimsy in my life.  I felt dry and tired and old and I wondered if whimsy was something of the past (the before Paige became a mom stage of life). 

The next night as Josh was telling Selah a bedtime story back in her room, I heard giggles and squeals and then they both ran out to tell me of the plan they had just devised.  My sweet 2-year old loves the idea of a party - birthday parties, going away parties...really any type of party is right up her alley!

So she came racing out of her room to tell me that she and her father had just planned a party during their nightly bedtime story.  As her words came out jumbled and I looked to him for explanation, he said with a sparkle in his eye that Selah wanted to throw a Thank You party for her Papa & Gigi (my parents).

It would be a party to thank them for being such wonderful grandparents and for making her feel special as she has recently become a big sister.  I looked into Selah’s dancing eyes and asked her what we would be needing to make this party happen.  And without hesitation she began to make a list:

Reemers (Streamers)
Party Hats
Candles
Cake
And a Dancing Song

Josh informed me that he would set up a time later in the week to have my parents over for dinner if I could help Selah get her list together.

At first I laughed it off assuming that all would be forgotten by the morning, but I quickly realized I was mistaken as she ran into my room at 7am the following morning and exclaimed that it was time to decorate for the party!

The party was on her lips for the next 48 hours.  We went over her list of supplies countless times & she always did a little dance as we talked about what fun the party would be.  My heart wasn’t really into it at first, but the next time I picked up Love Does I remembered my 4am prayer for more whimsy in my life.

And I had to wonder - how often were moments of whimsy & real love in front of me - literally within the reach of my finger tips but I just didn’t reach out?  How often do I ignore the imagination of my child...of my husband?  How often do I ignore the longings of my heart because it’s not sensible or I presume I don’t have the time?

How often are my prayers heard & answers sent almost immediately but I refuse to see the answers because they look like a child’s party rather than what I assume is a proper response to my plea? 

I realized that if I was going to add whimsy to my tired life...if I was going to try to do love rather than just write theology about it...perhaps the best way to begin was in following the footsteps of my child.  After all, doesn’t the Kingdom of God belong to ones like her?

So Selah and I headed to the nearest party store & went down every aisle looking for the perfect streamers and party hats.  To my amazement she didn’t ask for anything else that lined those shelves - she was on a mission - she had a party to throw.

She looked at the large selection of streamers and chose purple, hot pink, and baby blue.  She pointed with determination and held onto the streamers as if they were a new toy.  We came home from the store & immediately decorated the house (even though the party was still 36 hours away). 

She directed me on where to place the streamers & then she methodically placed all of the party hats on the table.  All was set for our party!

The next night my parents came over & Selah screamed surprise & thank you and proudly showed them how she had arranged all of the candles in our brownies.  Party hats were donned, grilled chicken and fresh corn on the cob was eaten, and her song was played so that we could dance at this party!

It was a grand night - definitely a night of whimsy, and as I went to bed that night I realized that this tired momma of a 2-year old and month old baby had a smile on her face.  Yes, I was tired and secretly wished I could have a full night’s sleep ahead of me, but my heart was full.  I had watched my 2-year old show love to her grandparents that night.  I had watched her skip and dance and giggle at candles.  I had lived out the power of whimsy just as I had secretly prayed...and I experienced first hand the power that comes when love isn’t just an idea or a constant note on my to-do list.  On this night  love was active and silly and joyous and real.

Our Love Story - The Stalker Phase

Source: etsy.com via Paige on Pinterest

I like to call the next phase of our courtship the STALKING phase.  Josh, of course takes great exception with this title emphatically stating that there was not stalking involved but rather happenstance moments in which our paths intersected.

The interesting thing is that although I had never seen nor spoken to Josh before the Baylor sweatshirt incident, I now seemed to be running into Josh all over the ORU campus.  He was a business major and I was in communications but somehow the paths to our classes seemed to coincide OFTEN and he was also becoming friends with my friends.

Again, he insists there was no stalking involved....

I will let you be the judge of this...case in point.

I’ll never forget one week day morning.  I went to the cafeteria for breakfast which was out of the ordinary for me.  I much preferred my sleep to nutrition but for some reason (I think I got up early to study for a test), I went to eat a nutritious bowl of Fruit Loops & then headed out to my class.

I had no more than descended the steps of the cafeteria when I began to hear loud footsteps behind me also coming down the staircase.  I though nothing of this, but realized I was late for class and began to quicken my gait to the test that awaited.

I had quite a walk ahead of me and my mind was rehearsing the facts that I had just crammed into my brain over Fruit Loops.  I was in my own little world when I heard those loud footsteps again.  And it was interesting that they seemed to be gaining ground.

I’m not quite sure why but I had this sense that someone was following me and is only natural I also began to walk faster.  I felt more than a little alarmed when my faster pace did NOT put a distance between me and the loud walker but rather the loud walker just got louder and those footsteps were increasing by the second!

I had forgotten all of the facts crammed into my short-term memory at this point and my sole thoughts were to get away from the creepy fast walker when all of a sudden, the fast walker’s pace slowed...

That’s odd, I remember thinking.

And then I heard in an out-of-breath voice, “Oh, hey Paige!  I didn’t realize that was you!”

And there he was...AGAIN...Josh.

And a smirk formed over my lips.  Did he really think I was going to believe he just happened upon me?  Where was the fast walker now?  Those loud and fast steps had all but come into sync with my own steps...

And this moment solidified in my mind that we were now in the stalker phase...

But, if I’m honest I kind of liked this stalker.

PS - Josh would like for me to state one more fact.  Apparently I was wearing a short skirt that day (mind you, we had a dress code at ORU so this really means I was wearing a skirt that went to my knees)...and Josh would like the record to show that when he noticed me in said skirt that he had no other recourse than to catch up with me and start a conversation.  He also maintains until this day that he is a naturally fast walker & he did in fact just happen to catch up with me.

Hmmm...I still call it stalker phase.

Stickers, Snow, and Some Beautiful Eyes: Project 365 (The Week of LOVE)

It's been one of those weeks that had some real lows but also some delightful highs!  The stomach flu came to visit me early in the week and it took me a couple days to fully bounce back...but I'm back now and I've had so much fun planning for Selah's 2nd birthday party!  This week has also had some special times with the Lord for me - I find that it is so true that when I feel weakest He is just a "Help me!" away...He's given me some direction this week & blessed me in unexpected ways.

Here is what's been happening around our home!

Day 79 - We had a birthday photo shoot on Saturday and afterwards Selah and I were just hanging out in the car while Josh picked up his new glasses...I pulled out my camera and got a few shots of my beautiful girl in the car.  Love this one!

Day 80 - SNOW!  Sunday is when the flu hit me, so this picture is from inside looking out our backyard windows - I cannot describe how beautiful and big the snow flakes were on this day - I decided that if I had to be sick it was the perfect day to sit and watch the loveliness accumulate outside!

Day 81 - SNOW DAY!  Selah's Kid's Day Out was cancelled and I was still on the mend so we stayed in most of the day and played until our hearts were content!  I pulled out some Dora stickers thinking that she would decorate coloring pages...but oh no, all 30 stickers went on top of the other on her hand!

Day 82 - I know that one day my child will want to kill me for this picture but I couldn't resist!  I feel like this is the epitome of our Valentine's Day.  We were low-key to say the least (after a disastrous Valentine's Date when we were first dating Josh and I decided long ago to keep this day to a minimum).  Anyways, my dad bought Selah a box of chocolates & after dinner I let her eat one.  She loved the box even more than the other chocolates and before bed I found her lounging on the couch clutching that heart-shaped box.

Day 83 - Wednesday was a rough day for me...not sure if was the hormones or that it started off with a cup of yogurt being dumped all over me as I tried to get Selah out of the car, but regardless I was just somewhat of a mess.  Ever had one of those days?  After a day at work and a couple of hours at home I was back at the church trying desperately to get caught up and put out some fires that seemed to be ablaze!  Right after taking this picture (I realized I had not taken one all day & tried my best to look awake :)), is when I finally stopped and cried out for God to simply come.  And He was so faithful to meet me in my mess.  I cancelled my plans to go to zoe (our college group - sorry zoe people...but you wouldn't have wanted me there in the state I was in)...and I just spent the next 3 hours praying and listening.  Wow, it is what my soul needed.  I'm a slow learner, but I'm definitely discovering that sometimes the most important thing is to stop doing what I should do and listen to what my heart needs.

Day 84 - This is my dear friend Mindy (I just love this girl), and she is also my Mary Kay woman.  She came by the house on Thursday while I was working from home to talk and get me caught up on the latest Mary Kay products.  I told her that Selah loves to watch me put on make-up & that I let her pretend...and that was all Mindy needed to make my girl VERY happy!  Selah got a full make-over (appropriate of course for one her size).  She was in HEAVEN!

Day 85 - We were getting ready for Selah's birthday party and had just purchased a handful of balloons...obviously, Selah was wanting more than the one in her hand, but it proved to be a dilemma.  

Would love to see a glimpse into your life this past week!  If you are capturing everyday link up below (I think there are only a couple of us left...but it's never too late to start)!

The Gong Story - Part 2

Yesterday I wrote a guest post over at The Little Missionary Girl All Grown Up sharing "The Gong Story."  It was a moment in my life that I'll never forget - both because the words were in my face but also because of what the Lord did in my heart following this encounter.

And yesterday, as I was honest and vulnerable about this ugly story of my past, I was met with a comment from the girl who had uttered the "You're a Gong" words in the first place.  Her words are just as honest and vulnerable as my own...and as I sit here today I feel like I should give you a glimpse into just what God can do when we get honest, push down the pride barriers and allow God to work through imperfect people.

If you haven't read my story you can do so here.

And here are her words in response:
Oh gosh... hot tears of my own are streaming down my cheeks, broken (shattered!) over the pride that bolstered those words coming out of my mouth.  They were meant to hurt; meant to maintain the emotional "safety zone" that was rapidly diminishing between you (Paige) and myself.  I'm so sorry, dear friend.  However accurate the comparison was, it was not coming from a heart that had your best in mind.

How great is our God who can put two hearts together--an empty one and a wounded one--bring healing to them both, preserve unity, and foster a friendship?  I owe Him a lot of thank-yous for that season alone.

Readers and hearers of the Gong Story must know that God would work in spite of us to bring about tremendous healing in my life through those meetings with Paige.  As she remained faithful to meet each week, and as she surrendered herself more to His tender pursuits, He softened areas of my heart through her that were destined to remain hard and calloused otherwise.  And He introduced the living, glorious reality of the Holy Spirit through Paige, too.  That season that He gave us in spite of "gong-speech" and "proud-speech" is without a doubt an indelible milestone in my life story with Him.

Grateful to you both,
The Critical Girl All Grown Up

I don't share this to bolster either of us - believe me we both have our gong and pride tendencies that God continually and graciously exposes...but I share this because I know too many of us isolate ourselves from true friendship and honest words with others.  Yes, those words can hurt at times - they can even shock at times, but when God brings someone into your life...you just might be surprised at how He wants to use that person to help shape and soften you.

Let's stop being people who only speak niceties and about the permissible topics like clothing, our children's habits, and the latest movie.  Let's be real and loud in each others lives - and I believe a few years down the road you too may sit and marvel at a God who used that honesty and raw love in a profound way in your life.

Thank you, Courtney for being honest in return.  I'm so very proud of the woman you are becoming!  I love you, Paige.

This is my friend, Courtney who uttered the infamous gong line...we became dear friends over the years even training and running a half-marathon together a few years ago.

The Gong Story

 “You know that Scripture in 1 Corinthians that talks about love?  It says, ‘Though I speak with the tongues of angels and men but have not love I am nothing more than a gong or clanging cymbals?’  Well, you may have all the right answers, but you are nothing more than a gong in my life.  I don’t feel like you love me at all.  You just want to cram your theological answers down my throat.” 

And there I sat…stunned! 

With defenses raised like a sharp fortress I concluded our meeting saying I needed to think about what she boldly proclaimed, and as she left I sat in silence, mouth agape…wondering if it was true. 

This was ridiculous, right?  Right???

I'm sharing my gong story over at The Little Missionary All Grown Up today.  Join me over at my friend Lindsey's blog to finish my story and read about God's relentless love.