My friend from college and blogger extraordinare, Sarah Bessey wrote a beautiful blog yesterday answering the question “What is saving your life right now?” It stirred others to write the same and so today she opened a syncroblog and invited any who will to share their words.
I haven’t written in so long that my first instinct is just to read the words of others, but as I sit here staring at the stacks of laundry folded and awaiting their exile into drawers and closets I impulsively grab my computer and decide to write.
What is saving me right now? It’s definitely not this laundry - oh, the laundry that seems to multiply while I sleep. And it’s not the list of things to do like the back porch that needs sweeping and the panties that still lie on my bathroom floor...
What is saving my life right now?
I could write about the peppermint tea and two pieces (well maybe it was three) of dark chocolate that I savored while my girls napped.
I could pen words of beauty describing the pink blooms on the giant crepe myrtle outside my back windows or tell you how Selah and I love to pick the bright orange trumpet flowers off the vine that weaves it’s way around the corner of our house.
I could say I’m being saved as I attempt something that truly scare my introverted heart - yes, I’m hosting dinner tomorrow for a family that I’ve never even met face-to-face. But I’m not sure if it’s saving my life...more like sending jolts to my heart as I envision my attempt at hosting people I don’t really know. And yet, I know that those giant leaps - even small leaps like dinner with strangers always leave me in a better place - reminding me to get outside of the bubble that I find such comfort and safety in.
I could describe the conversations I’ve had this week with missionaries around the globe because in many ways they did save my life this week. The seasoned couple who have given over 20 years to the people in Russia and Belgium. The young couple in Botswana who poured out their hearts - frustrations, desires, and hope in the future - as we looked at computer monitors and connected over the ocean. And of course the stoic and wise young man who calmly explained his plan to move his young family of five into Western Sudan...the immense love he has for a people who have seen nothing but hate was inspirational and made me think...even now, 3 days later about what I can do for those forgotten.
I could mention long conversations with friends who know me well - over coffee, on the phone, and while we stuff our faces with burritos. Those conversations are good for the soul.
But most of all, in this moment - what is saving my life is the quiet...and this face.
Sleeping peacefully with arms lifted as if in praise. Watching her round tummy as it rises and falls with the rhythms of her breath. The eyelashes that flutter occasionally, the slight smile that curves her lips, and the tiny fingers curled ever so gracefully. Just looking at her - knowing she depends ON ME for food, for comfort, for shelter...for LOVE. Just knowing that she needs me and I love her is saving my life right now... because it reminds me that I too am in need. And I am loved. And because of that love I am saved.