The Mean Girl Voice In Your Head

So last week, Haven had to wear pink on Wednesday to her school and all I could think about was Mean Girls...and specifically this scene:

And so this got me thinking about mean girl voices, and especially the mean girl voice that sometimes resides in my head.  You know the one: the one that says to fit in you should be something completely different than who you really are.  It's the one who reminds you of your awkwardness and who silences your voice ("Gretchen, stop trying to make Fetch happen.  It's not going to happen!").

I sat in a meeting this past week and throughout it's duration I had an inner dialogue with my mean girl voice.  I had ideas to offer but with each idea that popped into my mind, I could hear the mean girl pipe in with all the reasons why my opinion was not valid or stupid.  And at one point I realized that I literally had not offered a single opinion in the discussion when I was invited to that table because my opinions matter!

I'm still working on silencing the mean girl in my head, but I'm starting to discover that the only antidote is the love of God.  On the mornings when I've actually spent a little time receiving His love I am more confident that I belong at the table.  I'm more confident that the ideas and opinions that I have are of Him.  I can tell the mean girl to go sit at a different table and I can actually let MY voice be heard.

Look at what Paul has to say about this in Romans:

Romans 8:31-39The Message (MSG)

31-39 So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:

They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.
We’re sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.

None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

Did you get that?  Our mean girl voice (which is really the voice of the enemy) does not stand a chance when Christ is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us!

Let that sink in for a second.

Jesus has your back and it is His desire that the mean girl voice does not faze us.  Why?  Because of His love.

It's time friends that we let our voices be heard.  You have brilliant ideas.  You have opinions.  You have wisdom and passion and tables that you are invited to sit at.  Most importantly, you can hear the voice of God.  Please don't let the shouts of the mean girl get more air time in your mind than the whispers of the Father.  Believe that He loves you.  Trust that He is fighting for you.

And it IS Wednesday...so wear pink or black or whatever you want with the knowledge that you are loved and there is nothing that can separate you from His love!

I'm Bringing 60+ Seconds with Paige to the Blog!

Hi Friends!  I've been away from the blog for quite some time...but thought I'd pop in to introduce you to something I started for the Bloom Women's Ministry at COTR.  I'm making a weekly video with quick thoughts that will hopefully make you think, make you smile, or make you question.  It's not always brilliant, but it IS brief and hopefully encouraging!  I've been posting them on our facebook page, but I've had some who are not on facebook ask to watch them so from here on out I'll try to post them weekly on the blog!

I'll introduce you by posting 2 of the most recent videos!  Enjoy!



Making Waves - 60 Seconds with Paige (10/27) from Paige Allen on Vimeo.
Comfort Vs. Forgiveness - 60+ Seconds with Paige (11/14) from Paige Allen on Vimeo.

4 Truths My Mother Taught Me

This past week Selah and I were having a tea party when she informed me that Gigi had taught her to
always hold out her pinky finger when drinking tea.  And I realized that I was certain this was true…after all, her Gigi (my mother) has taught me so much that has to do with graceful living.

As I reflect this morning on lessons that my mother taught me, these four stand out most in my mind:

1.  Give the gift of your presence and time.  
My mother makes time for people in her life – it is how she shows her love for them.  Love looks like drinking tea and listening or going to Sesame Street Live and dancing. 

My mother is good at listening & I've learned from her that although your body may be in a location, if you are not leaning in and listening to the person you are with, you might as well not even be there.  The gift of your presence means that you are fully engaged in that moment.  You listen to subtle statements, notice expressions, and honor those you love by hearing their heart.  I don't always excel in this area, but I'm trying to grow each day in this arena - it really does exemplify a woman of grace.

2.  Use your gifts to bless others.  
My mother has the gifts of hospitality and making things beautiful (what is the proper name for this gift?), and has never hoarded these abilities.  A few weeks ago she went and decorated the home of a sweet young mother who is pregnant with twins (# 3 & 4)!  This momma has a new home and obviously is TIRED!  My mom felt like God told her to go decorate her house (if she wanted that)…so she took a friend, and when that momma came home from work, her house was transformed.  

This past week, she made a beautiful quilt for our new cousin that will be coming home soon from Uganda.  Most people would never know about these two acts of love in the last few weeks (except her daughter has a big mouth), but she does not love for recognition…she loves because she is loved.  May we all take this lesson to heart and do the same.

3.  Forgive.  
As a pastor’s wife, as a sister, as a friend, as a daughter, and as a mother my mom has had many opportunities to practice forgiveness.  Too many times I’ve taken up her cause and wanted to be offended at people who hurl insults and pain her way, but she has taught me and lived the example that forgiveness is worth it.  She has also taught me that forgiveness means keeping your mouth shut when you really want to let everyone know how noble you are for forgiving J.

Within this same lesson of life, my mother has demonstrated that a true woman of grace also asks for forgiveness.  A turning moment in my life was a phone call in college when my mother called and asked me for forgiveness.  Her humility and willingness to say that she was wrong, set me free to see the situation from a new vantage point.  And her actions taught me that true strength is able to ask for forgiveness.

4.  Laugh until your shoulders shake.  
One of my all time most favorite things is to see my mother TRULY laugh.  Her shoulders shake, her eyes become slits and she cannot make a sound, but it always makes me laugh in copycat fashion.  When I see the two of us laughing so hard we might wet our pants, I always think two things:  We need more of this kind of deep-belly laughter in our world and I'm so thankful that I inherited this trait from her.

My mother has taught me much and her mother (my Mema) taught her much as well.  The older I become the more lessons I am trying to learn from those who have gone before me.  Some lessons seem to be implanted in my heart and life as if they were genetically wired while others definitely take more care and intention to live out.

What life lessons did your mother teach you?  It may be as simple as how to play tea party or as profound as how to walk out in forgiveness, but very likely there are deep lessons etched in your heart from the life of your mother.

It's Here!!! I'm Excited to Tell You about My Project!

It's an exciting day for me here at Becoming Paige!  I want to introduce you to my side project that I've worked on for over a year now - Road Signs: Stories of Relentless Trust & Extravagant Love - an 8-week Bible study work book!

The message of this Bible study has been in my heart for at least 3 years now, and when I finally stepped out to teach and write these words, I was genuinely surprised by God.  I taught on a Tuesday morning to a room full of ladies, and as the weeks went by, our group went from strangers to friends.  It was such a special experience that I wrote about it here.

Since that Tuesday morning Bible study, I've taught this once more and I had many ladies encourage me to look into publishing the study.  I did my research, talked to a couple of publishers, and ultimately decided to publish this study myself.  It has been a labor of love for myself and Josh.

And can I just take a minute to give a shout out to my husband!  This man has researched, encouraged, set early morning alarms for me, watched the girls at ungodly hours so I could go to a coffee shop and write...over and over and over again...and even this day, here he is cheering me on.  I love you Josh Allen!

Okay, I'm back from my swooning...

The point is - I've got a real - hold it in your hands - book now!  AND we are about to start recording the 8 live teaching sessions that go with this book!

So, this blog is to invite you to join me in this journey!  I need your help.  And here are three ways you can help me with this Bible study launch:

1. If you live in the Lubbock, Texas area would you consider joining me on Tuesday nights (7-8:30pm) as we record the live sessions that will go with this book?  I promise that I won't teach for an hour and half!  I will pour my little heart out, and then I'll invite you to stay for a bit to drink tea and talk with other ladies. This study is ALL about telling our stories, and I'd love to hear yours.  The tapings start next Tuesday night (February 11th) and will be at Church on the Rock (10503 Slide Road), but I'd LOVE to see my non-COTR friends come too!  Wouldn't it be fun to have a time with ladies from all over the city telling our stories and studying Scripture?


2. If you want to go ahead and order one of these workbooks you can certainly do that!  If you order 5 or more workbooks at the same time, I will send you the full DVD live teaching set as soon as they are available (they will cost around $30 so it's a good deal).  This will be an awesome group study that you could do in the near future.  To purchase workbooks, just click on the page (seen above) called Road Signs.


3. Would you share this blog or link to the Road Signs page with your friends?  Anyone who shares this blog via facebook or twitter will be entered to win a free Road Signs workbook!  I'll draw the winner next Tuesday night before the live teaching starts.

Here are a few more shout-outs!

Thank you to my mom who opened the door for me to teach this in the first place...and thanks for encouraging me to finish this project.

Thanks to the COTR media team who designed the most AMAZING book cover - Jason & Michael for the expertise & Leslie for the brilliant idea.

Thanks to Annie who puts up with my crazy at work & who was the perfect model for the book cover.

Thanks to Laura & Dawn who caught my grammar errors and pointed out when my writing needed a bit of "reworking."

Thanks to the ladies of COTR who have gone through this study twice already.  It's been the tears in your eyes and the laughter in your voices when we've had those "you too?" moments that made me decide maybe I should get this into print.

Back to India I Go

I’m getting on a plane tomorrow…without my family…to go to India, and in many ways it still doesn’t seem real.  India captured a part of my heart over 6 years ago and the people in this land have changed me.

I haven’t stepped foot on the soil since I was 5 months pregnant with Selah and I’m curious to discover how much more the poverty and the children will affect me now that I am a Momma. 

I still remember one face the first day that I walked the streets of India.  Her pleading eyes and dirty hands lifted up to me.  My heart broke in India like it has never been broken before – it was a needed breaking – it was a look into reality – into the face of much of the world that we can easily ignore.  It was a “break my heart for what breaks Yours” moment, and her face changed me.

I can never prepare the teams that I take for the heart-break that they will encounter.  The poverty is all consuming, the culture so different, and with long held beliefs in karma and millions of gods the hopelessness can be deafening.  Josh describes India as an assault on all your senses, and although it’s usually taken as a negative description, I’ve discovered that in my life, I usually need that assault.

I need to be shaken – to be reminded of what the world faces while I’m busy posting cute pictures of my girls on Instagram.  I need to be woken up – not just to the pain but to the truth of God’s great hope.

This is from a school that I visited on my 2nd trip to India.  I LOVE what SOS is doing to feed & educate children!

And I’ve seen the hope of God more clearly in India than in anywhere else in the world.  Perhaps it’s because it’s in such contrast with the devastation…but regardless, in India, it is always more clear to me than ever that He alone is the answer.

The first year I went I was changed by that little girl on the street, but I was also changed by former prostitutes that I met in a church located in the heart of the red-light district.  The service was loud and exciting.  Jesus was there and the gospel was clear.  At the conclusion of the service, communion was served and tears pricked my eyes as men and women – outcasts previously – stood in the aisle eagerly awaiting the bread and cup.  I was asked to walk between these faces and serve the bread.

That walk down the aisle changed me.  I saw hope and freedom and joy in the eyes of so many women who I knew had previously been surrounded with fear and lies and death.  As these precious ones reached out for the bread I was ashamed of the way I casually come to His table.  They fully knew of His truth and they were immersed in His kingdom…and as their hands reached out they were literally reaching for life!  Their eyes shown with such hope and joy that by the time I reached the end of that aisle I was weeping in wonder at this God that I not only serve, but in that moment was representing.

India always changes me.  And so although I’ve got a 3-year old and 18-month old, I told my husband last year…I’ve got to get to India.  If I’m to continue to serve specifically in the areas of missions & prayer at my church – I’ve got to go – I need to see what He is doing and I want to be a small part of His light in this place that always imparts back into my soul.

This is from a Women's Conference that I spoke at a few years ago - I LOVE the women of India!  They are more powerful than they know.

So would you pray for me?  I’m taking 5 extraordinary women with me.  None are from my home church, as I felt the Lord direct me to spread this experience and His heart-beat with others.  So I invited specific friends and acquaintances that God showed me and I’m beyond excited to walk with these girls.

We have a busy week ahead of us: Women’s Meetings will be a big part, and we will also have 3 days in which we focus on the area of human trafficking.  I’m especially burdened by one day in which we have the opportunity to encourage the men and women who work on the front lines to battle this horrible injustice – we will spend a day with those who rescue, and I’m praying that our time breathes a bit of God’s love and refreshment into their lives.

Would you also pray for my sweet family?  Pray that the days go by quickly and with great fun for my girls.  Pray for God’s grace for my husband and parents who will watch my girls.

And would you pray for India?  Pray that God would continue to make Himself known, that the church would be strengthened, and that injustice would vanish. 

Where laundry is done...

When God Takes your Yes and Turns it into a Community

Yesterday, I wrapped up my 8-week Bible Study that I wrote and have been teaching on Tuesday mornings called Road Signs.  I selfishly asked the Women's Ministry at our church if I could lead this study as a way to force myself to finally write out the words and messages that have been in my head and heart for over 3 years.  If I'm honest, I was hoping to connect and share with women, but mostly I was stepping out with a personal motive - looking for a catalyst to light a fire under my tush so that I could say Yes to the Lord and remove the gnawing pressure that seemed to always hang above my head.

I was told that typical morning studies usually bring 20 ladies and that by the end of a study there are around 12 who remain and walk across the finish line.  Now, I'm no Beth Moore so I was praying and expecting 10 or so women to show up, and I selfishly hoped that half of those 10 would finish just so I could gauge whether or not what I had to share was valid.

So, 8 weeks ago I walked into that classroom with a lighter heart - because I had finally said yes, but guarded expectations not wanting to hope for too much.  I had to blink my eyes several times on that first morning as almost 50 ladies sat in that room expectant and ready for what this study would bring.  I remember holding back tears as I opened that first morning in prayer - realizing in my heart that perhaps God was up to something...

8 weeks later as I surveyed the room yesterday, it was crystal clear that God had much more in store for those Tuesday mornings than just a platform for me to try out some material.  You see, over the last 8 weeks we've had over 75 women walk through the doors and slowly open their hearts.  EVERY week I have watched as women have not just taken notes on what I had to share, but also stepped out in vulnerability to share their own stories and minister to one another.

Yesterday I sat in awe as I watched women in their 60's loving on young mothers.  I watched as women of every race cried together and opened the Word together and prophesied life and truth over one another's lives.  Yesterday, I watched as 4 women who now take on the roles of grandmother provided lunch for over 30 women who could stay afterwards to eat...they provided not because I asked but because they have connected and want to pour out their wisdom...and listening ears...and love on those younger. 

I ate lasagna and the most divine homemade coconut cake as kids played and mothers talked and grandmothers held babies and women shared their stories...and I realized - THIS - this is what God was up to...

I came with my feeble words and a desire simply to say yes to Him...and as I obeyed...as I brought my loaves and fish...God had taken my obedience - my offering - and had multiplied it far beyond what I could have ever imagined.  He took my gift and multiplied it into a community - a community of women who were learning to love one another.  

And now we were breaking bread and deciding we shouldn't stop meeting...because although it started as a catalyst to get my words out...God created a safe place where their words mattered too.

Road Signs is finished (I'll be teaching it again starting April 24th in the evening - lots of Lubbock ladies were upset it was just in the morning)...but Tuesday mornings are not finished - we are taking March off but will resume meeting in April - allowing our community to continue to flourish and inviting God to multiply and transform as only He can do.

Why guarding your heart actually means letting it run a little wild

I've been quiet on the blog for far too long.  I have been writing a Bible study and enjoying my girls and honestly, I have embraced distractions - probably more than I should.

Distractions are interesting...sometimes they are humerous...sometimes they are mind-numbing...sometimes they are an inconvenience when we need to finish a project or just be engaged in life...sometimes they are harmless...while other times I think they steal away our purpose...our intended life.

Some distractions are out of our control - case in point - a young man has been playing his ukelele for over 30 minutes at a coffee shop while I'm trying with all of my might to write out a Bible lesson.  I resorted to earphones with music blaring and the occasional evil eye (he eventually got the point and packed up his one man band).  Distractions that are out of our control have to be managed and endured at times...but most of the distractions in my life lately are self-imposed.  What about you?

I choose to be distracted by my phone far too often when I should be engaged with my girls - playing tea party or peek-a-boo.  I choose to be distracted by ridiculous t.v. shows when I could be talking to my husband about his latest business venture.  I choose to be distracted by ANY need when the house is calling out to be cleaned, and I choose to be distracted by my kids, husband, work, and to do lists when I hear God beckon me to step outside for a few minutes to enjoy His creation and have a little chat.

I've tried silencing some of these distractions with rules like - no phone use from 6-8pm...but that lasted for 3 days.  I took the facebook app off of my phone but still went to check status updates via the internet...and I'm realizing rules for rules sake never bring fruit in my life.

When my heart is distracted every area of my life embraces distraction, but when my heart is engaged and alive with His love and His purposes, things like social media, my phone, television, and conversations no longer take on the role of distraction but are rightly used as tools rather than escapes. 

Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

I studied this scripture awhile back and had always taken it to mean that I should be on guard - that my heart was bound to do something crazy or get out of control.  I believed that I should fence it in - construct rules and plans so that it could be a solid well in which life could flow from.

But the more I studied, the more I realized that this was not the meaning of "guard" at all.  To guard something is to take care of it - to protect it - to nurture and allow it to thrive.  If I want my life to be full and adventurous then I need to guard my heart by taking care of it and allowing it to be alive and perhaps a little wild.

So that is on my agenda for today.  I'm going to take care of my heart - I am going to run outside and play with my girls and talk to Jesus and write and work and call a friend and talk to my husband and allow my heart to dream.  Life may look fairly similar on the outside as days past...but internally, I'm going to give my heart permission to live.  And I'd like to give your heart permission to do the same - it's time that we take care of our hearts.  Allow yourself to do at least one thing that your heart really loves, and watch as distractions become less appealing.

How do you take care of your heart?  Would love to know what that looks like for you. 

When Laughter Replaces Tears

On Sunday night I have the privilege of hosting two women from India who will be sharing their stories of horror & hope.  These two heroes were rescued from human trafficking and have walked through an amazing journey to wholeness and redemption.

I am passionate about this cause, and would LOVE for all you women in Lubbock to come hear their stories - THIS Sunday (April 22nd) at 6pm at Church on the Rock (10503 Slide Road).

Want to know why I'm so passionate about this?



Here is one reason why…

From a blog I wrote in August of 2008

I had the privilege of being involved with a retreat in India at one of the most amazing places I have ever visited. It was an oasis in the middle of crazy India and it housed men, women, and children who have been rescued from the streets and all manners of horror.

The retreat was specifically targeted towards 85 women who were rescued from sex trafficking. Many of these girls were sold or kidnapped into prostitution and others of them were the daughters of prostitutes who also were abused and mistreated on the streets. If you can imagine, I was literally on the verge of tears when I allowed myself to imagine the horrors these girls have faced. Yet, I didn’t see pain or sadness in their eyes, but great hope and joy. There was an occasional flicker of longing or lament, but most of the time I just saw life!

I preached on Friday night about being a daughter and of course in my mind, I envisioned it looking something like what I experienced last year – girls crying, sharing their hearts, praying with the all-wise Americans, etc… Guess what? After I finished what I thought was a pretty good sermon and gave the invitation for prayer, only five girls came forward – yep, that’s it…five. I hate to admit it, but I was about to question God about why He would send me and not use me when Mandi (a fabulous girl from Dallas) started to sing a song acapella – “Child of God”

I stopped in my mid-complaint as she began to sing because this song was explanation enough from the Lord. You see, God’s revelation to my heart about being His daughter as my identity occurred before I got married, and the story was the focal point of my sermon that I shared that night. Over 8 years ago, the one song that ministered to me in that time was “Child of God,” and it was so instrumental that I even had it sung at my wedding. So, when Mandi started singing this song that is almost 10 years old, the Lord said to my heart…"Paige, you just do what I tell you to do and then trust me to heal their hearts – they are my children.”

I looked out over the sea of women and saw that though they weren't coming up for prayer, some were silently crying, some were writing in their journals, and some were sitting and letting the Father love on them. So, although I didn’t see what I had envisioned, I left with an unwavering knowledge that God is at work in the hearts and lives of these young women.

Later that night, I found out that God wanted to redefine "ministry" for me. He reminded me that there are different seasons – a time to cry & a time to laugh. And after dinner we laughed so much! In fact, I think that perhaps the most good I did that entire weekend was allow the girls to teach me to Bollywood dance…They were doubled over in laughter at times - not sure if they were laughing with me or at me...but the point is - they were laughing!

And as I went to sleep that night, God whispered to my heart, "Paige, they've seen enough tears - tonight I just wanted them to laugh." Who knew my ministry this year would not just be in speaking or prayer but Bollywood dance?!

So, I share a few pics of this fun night, and I ask you to pray for these women - and maybe you might even come Sunday night & really let these ladies stories...their faces become etched in your hearts.  It changed me...and it will change you.

If only we might do our small part to see more laughter replace the pain that MILLIONS of women face across the world.

When Minstry and Mommyhood Collide – Part 2

In my previous blog, I described that fateful Thursday night when ministry and mommyhood collided and a choice had to be made…I of course chose to be a mommy, but as I was at home nursing my sick baby I had a serious conversation with God. It went something like this:

Me: God, when I was pregnant, you promised me that our baby would be able to join the life you’ve called us too.

God: Yes…

Me: And there have been moments of that (like taking her to Europe and learning to schedule groups at our house), but God I’m still struggling with a guilt that seems to be constant. When I’m at work or doing ministry I feel guilty that I’m not with her, and when I’m with Selah I sometimes feel guilty that I’m not taking care of ministry responsibilities that you have entrusted to me. This can’t continue.

God: You are right.

Me: I am?

God: Yep.

Me: I’m right about what? Feeling guilty or needing this to change.

God: The second one.

Me: How do I make this work?

God: You don’t.

Me: Huh?

God: I promised you that Selah would join into the things I’ve called you to do. I promised you that I would give her the gift of flexibility and joy. I promised you that the collision of ministry and mommyhood could actually be a wonderful thing.

Me: Oh…

God: You are the one who started to believe the lies of society that guilt would always be a part of motherhood. You are the one who is thinking this can’t work. You are the one who is frustrated because You are trying to figure this out in your mind or trying to find an example of a family who looks like you. You need to stop.

Me: But…

God: No more buts…you need to trust me. I have designed a rhythm for your family. I’ve designed a rhythm of grace for each family on this earth. I will show you how to parent, what choices to make, and how ministry and mommyhood should look for you. Stop looking to other’s cues and look to me first.

Me: Really? I can do that?

God: You know it’s always best when you look to me first! Sometimes I’ll speak to you through others, but I’ve given you the ability to hear my voice. Don’t limit that voice to Bible reading time or counseling or sermon prep…that voice is also speaking about how to parent Selah…about how to make this collision in your life a joy! Listen.

Me: I’ll try…and thank you.

So, for the last few months I’ve tried to listen more closely. And you know what, I believe the Lord really does have a beautiful rhythm for my family. I’ve discovered that there are days when Selah is sick or needing mommy time that ministry needs to be put on the back burner. There are other days when I need to work extra hours or listen on the phone as a girl cries…and in those moments I’m actually amazed how God gives Selah the grace or provides others in my life (like my awesome husband) so that I can do what I’m called to do. For example, a young woman just left my house – we chatted for about 30 minutes about some things God is doing in her life…and 15 minutes before she arrived, Selah came to me with her blankie & sippy and pointed to her crib. We dropped morning naps about a month ago, but I put her down anyways, and she’s been asleep for an hour now. God gave us both the grace for this morning so that He could accomplish what He wanted.

I may make this sound too simplistic. There are still crazy moments and mishaps, but the constant guilt is fading, and it is making life so much more sweet – just the way He intended.

This past weekend, we took our college students on an annual camping retreat into a near-by canyon. My first inclination was to leave Selah with my mom, but when I stopped to really pray about what would be best for Selah, I felt like we should take her along! And oh what fun we had!



One of these things in not like the others...

Selah LOVED running around outside.

She loved hanging out with the cool college kids.

She loved that the cool college kids would give her anything she wanted – like Cheetos!

And I LOVED having my girl with us. I had to make a few concessions (like our lodging – she wasn’t going to sleep the night in a tent), but it went smoothly & it was one more reminder that the collision doesn’t always have to bring chaos or division. Instead, this collision of ministry and mommyhood can be an opportunity for God to demonstrate to us how His ways are not His.

“Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Matthew 11:28 (The Message)

That deserves a knuckle-knock.

Big Hair & Beth Moore (My Thoughts on this Weekend's Living Proof Live Event)

It’s a very crazy season of life around our little home.  Is it the same for you?  My guess is yes.  Between my work at the church, Josh’s 2 jobs that he constantly shifts back and forth from, family, friends, and loving on my little one there seems to be little time lately to rest or receive for myself…and yet, I’ve definitely learned over the last 5 years that I have to take care of my heart.

Sometimes that TLC comes in the form of sitting outside writing as I listen to crickets chirp (like tonight)…at other times it comes from sipping a great cup of coffee as I talk to a heart-friend…and at times it is travel  – for discovering new sights and sounds ignite my soul like nothing else…and sometimes, like this past Saturday, it’s getting into the Word of God & experiencing something new in the world of Christianity.

I have heard about Beth Moore for at least 7 or 8 years and yet with all the fanfare (actually probably because of all the fanfare) I’ve never ventured to do one of her Bible studies.  I thought I might try one out during maternity leave – I bought the work book & my mom brought over her DVDs…but as I quickly discovered – maternity leave would be a far cry from the semi-vacation I had envisioned before that 6lb. 7oz. bundle came into my life. 

So, as I walked into the United Spirit arena with ladies from my church – I realized that I was a Beth Moore novice in the midst of 9,000 women who most definitely were NOT!  I was a little leery to be honest – our group got in line an hour before the doors opened…and the doors opened an hour & a half before the meeting even started!  I informed them that I would just meet them there…but I decided that if I was really going to receive anything that I should also get excited.  So, I arrived with a grande latte before the doors opened as well.  I was met by a sea of women - flashy jewelry (I think you call it bling), big hair, and matching t-shirts.  Immediately I was a bit on guard until I felt like the Lord nudged me to quiet my judgments and just enjoy the ladies that are in my life.  So, I boldly fluffed my mane, grabbed my Bible & told God that I needed Him to meet me in this mass of women.

Yes, I was curious to see what the fuss was about Beth – I was interested to see just how she dove into Scripture – but mostly, I was aware that if I was giving up my Saturday, I wanted it to count.  I wanted to meet Jesus & hear Him.

And let me say, He met me indeed.  He met me through nuggets of wisdom as Beth Moore said simple yet profound statements such as “Disobedience deforms the heart while obedience reforms the heart.”  He reminded me through her words just how much I need the people (the “we” as she so aptly pointed from Scripture) in my life.  He pounded my heart as she called women to live unhindered – and my mind wondered just what that could be like if I really took Him up on the offer to live completely unhindered.

And I was also blessed by the fact that she wasn’t completely polished.  I loved that the graphics guy was caught in the men’s room when she asked him to put something on the big screen…I loved how she graciously handled women who yelled out that she had forgotten a point when she had so eloquently and passionately finished with a rousing conclusion to this day long event.  As someone who speaks fairly often, I know how those types of interruptions can completely throw you off – and yet she was gracious and funny – and she didn’t allow their outburst to interrupt what God was doing in the hearts of the 9,000 women in that room.

And if I’m really honest, I was mostly blessed as I watched 9,000 women praise Jesus.  With arms lifted high, bracelets and rhinestones shimmering in the lights, I saw that God is at work in so many places and hearts that I often dismiss.  I get frustrated with the women of West Texas sometimes (I’m just being honest) – I assume that they are more concerned with adding to the lifestyle that is prominent than willingly allowing God to strip them of burdens and offenses and fears.  But on Saturday as I watched women pour over Scripture, laugh and love on one another, and sing In Christ Alone – I realized that big hair isn’t all that is big in West Texas – there are women who have a BIG love for Jesus, and although they…WE…are not perfect, there is a desire – a hunger even – to know Jesus and make Him known.

The Sea of Ladies just waiting for those doors to open.  It reminded me of the Target Commercials before Christmas...Open, Open, Open...

With my Gorgeous Sister Kelsey - she is a truly Texas Trendy girl (as I lovingly refer to her)

Not sure if you can tell, but these ladies were doing the wave!  Out of control I tell you - ha!

My notes after Session 1

Beth Moore on the big screen - oh, and notice the leopard hat in front of us...if you don't actually have big hair, it is also permissible to wear a hat with bling :)