Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I Fainted in Red Lobster

As I promised in a previous blog…It is time for my story about fainting in Red Lobster.

In all my 30 years I’ve never fainted, passed out, or been unconscious as far as I know. I’m the picture of health and somewhat proud to be a strong girl. I’m also somewhat proud that every Monday I’m typically the lone woman at our weekly pastor’s lunch (Pastor Cherri attends sometimes too)…

I try my best to hang with the boys at this weekly lunch. It is every Monday, so discussion revolves around the weekend’s sporting activities (golf, football, etc)…and although I typically don’t have a ton to contribute, I do try to listen & pipe in with the occasional comment. Mostly, I try to go and show that although I’ve got long hair and shave my legs, I can hang with the boys and love being a pastor too. I do my best to NOT be an emotional female or bring any attention to the fact that I’m different.

So far, my plan has worked fairly well – well…that is…with the exception of the day I burst into tears (an entirely different embarrassing moment) and our fateful Monday two weeks ago...when I fainted in Red Lobster. It all started with the fact that I’m pregnant & not fully adjusting to the fact that someone is sucking all my energy and nutrients. I love Baby Selah – but seriously, this girl is throwing me for a bit of a loop. You see, I’m a go-getter and often I go so much that I forget to stop for important things…like food…water…& rest. Well apparently, that plan doesn’t work so well when you have a little person growing inside of you…

So, there I was in the middle of Red Lobster sitting amongst the eight men trying to hang with the boys when I begin to feel hot…a little sweaty…and light headed. I was trying to have a conversation with Jantzen across from me when the thought hit me – you are going to pass out. “No!” I told myself, “you are a strong woman…this will pass...keep talking” as I grabbed a menu to begin fanning myself. The sensations became stronger so I fanned harder and started asking about the water I had ordered.

Within seconds, black dots were swarming in my eyes…and again I thought “you are going to pass out & look like a pansy.” And, as much as I tried to be strong and will myself to focus the black dots grew stronger & Jantzen’s words grew foggier. I actually said (or slurred), “I phink I gonna pass out…so…sorry” as my head on the table fell in defeat. I was actually laying there still somewhat coherent thinking – this is ridiculous – get up! You are with the boys…

What ensued next was quite hilarious…and I’m so thankful that I apparently did not completely faint because I heard part of the conversation. First, the table got deathly quiet AND THEN the eight men went into ACTION (this is what men do when a problem arises)

Here is what I heard:

Pastor Keith – He began to yell at my husband Josh who was on the phone & somewhat oblivious to the fact that I had in deed fallen on the table. His words were something like this, “DUDE, GET OFF THE PHONE – YOUR WIFE IS DOWN! THIS IS YOUR WIFE…YOUR RESPONSIBILITY…YOU NEED TO HELP HER!”

Josh – He quickly got off the phone & looked around helplessly…then picked up the menu & started to fan me.

Jantzen – He kept asking…”Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay?”

Pastor Dean – He was out of his chair in a flash – yelling for water…when he didn’t find anyone he jumped behind the bar and got water himself (or so I was told)

Pastor Robert – He was on a mission too – CRACKERS! I NEED CRACKERS!!!!

Pastor Gary – He started to instruct Josh: “Lay her down on the floor or in that booth over there…you need to elevate her legs!”

Mind you, all of this was going on simultaneously, and as soon as I came too I had in front of me:
  • 2 glasses of water
  • A mound of crackers
  • A plethora of menus ready to fan me
  • And 16 eyes staring at the woman pastor…
I took all of their advice - I laid down in a booth for a few minutes with my legs elevated, drank the water, ate crackers, and let Josh fan me for awhile. Once I felt that I had regained my equilibrium I sheepishly returned to the table embarrassed and very aware that I am not one of the boys.

And yet, in that moment, I realized just how thankful I am that although I’m not one of the boys, I am thankful that I have these amazing men in my life. I’ve learned so much from each of them over the last few years. Some of them abound with wisdom…some with humor…some with passion…and all of them with love. They have welcomed me into their circle and they respect me for what I bring to the table – they see my value as a woman but they also see my value as a minister.

So, I’ve decided that although I will do a better job of keeping Selah fed, I won’t worry so much in the future about trying to be one of the boys…if I faint–I faint…If I cry-I cry…but mostly I’ll just be myself and bring what I can to the table even if it comes in the form of a girl fainting.

Have you ever embarrassed yourself in front of people you want to impress?
Are there situations where you need to embrace just being yourself?


Jennifer said...

ahahahaHAHAHAHAHaahahahaHAHAHAHAHAhahahahaha! Fantabulous!

I'm kinda thinking little Selah is a go-getter like her Mamma...and will just go after the things she needs when she needs them~

YOU are NOT one of the boys Paige Allen. And you'd better dang well embrace that! I totally get those thoughts of wanting to fit in...but for goodness're there as a women for a reason.
And who cares about golf scores from the weekend...who else at that table is currently growing organs from scratch inside of them? THAT is talent! haha!

heart you...and will come back to answer those last 2 questions later...but now I'm late cause Red Lobster HAD to take priority!

Fortner Family said...

James came home and told me all about this that day. I asked him what he did to help and he said I just sat there! He did tell me he was trying to remember his CPR training and would have helped if needed to ! It's a good thing you didn't have to rely on that ;)

And you are one incredible woMAN!! I agree with Jenn you are gronwing a human and what have they done lately??

Enid said...

Ohh Paige, first sorry that you had to go trough that, I mean the feeling sick and passing half out!

You might need to increase your water .. I know it is a pain but I agree with he one asking for water.

I am glad you post this...those man of God are amazing!! And I am glad you are right in the middle!

Jessie said...

its okay Paige!! I passed out at Chik-fil-A at the mall when I was pregnant with Nathan. I had been shopping for a birthday present for Tom and realized it was after 1:00pm and I hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch. So, I ordered my food and then stood to side waiting for it. I remember seeing those same black dots and thinking. No way! Don't pass out! Focus! Focus on the menu! Then it was, Im gonna pass out and there's going to be no one to catch me but this elderly woman standing next to me and Im gonna hit the floor and bust my head. I then saw a guy a new a few lines over. I don't remember much but he said I looked totally white. When he came over to me, I just collapased in his arms and he had to drag me to a chair. They called EMS and my husband (who was working in the mall) made me go to the ER in the ambulance. I definitley learned to eat better, or at least to drink more water!

I can just see all those pastors! Thanks for sharing! I was not laughing at you, but definitly at the Pastors!!

Jenifer Davidson said...

Haha! I laughed out loud...not that you fainted but how lovely you write and make us all feel like we were right there. What a funny moment for you to be somewhat coherent and hear all those boys scrambling around. I do have an embarrassing moment...remember me, big and prego and you and josh coming for dinner...i sat down and the chair broke. EMBARASSING!! Oh well, just blame it on the pregnancy : ). Feed that baby girl, or she will get you every time : ). Love the name by the way!

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